Dec. 25, 2009
"Waiting for Godot" Campbells Soup, City of Camden, New Jersey, Star in latest production.  

(enter, scene in progress)

I get used to the muck as I go along.
ESTRAGON:
(after prolonged reflection). Is that the opposite?
VLADIMIR:
Question of temperament.
ESTRAGON:
Of character.
VLADIMIR:
Nothing you can do about it.
ESTRAGON:
No use struggling.
VLADIMIR:
One is what one is.
ESTRAGON:
No use wriggling.
VLADIMIR:
The essential doesn't change.
ESTRAGON:
Nothing to be done. (He proffers the remains of the carrot to Vladimir.) Like to finish it?
A terrible cry, close at hand. Estragon drops the carrot. They remain motionless, then together make a sudden rush towards the wings. Estragon stops halfway, runs back, picks up the carrot, stuffs it in his pocket, runs to rejoin Vladimir who is waiting for him, stops again, runs back, picks up his boot, runs to rejoin Vladimir. Huddled together, shoulders hunched, cringing away from the menace, they wait. #
 
Enter CAMPBELL'S SOUP and CAMDEN. CAMPBELL'S SOUP drives CAMDEN by means of a rope passed round his neck, so that CAMDEN is the first to enter, followed by the rope which is long enough to let him reach the middle of the stage before CAMPBELL'S appears. CAMDEN carries a heavy bag, a folding stool, a picnic basket and a greatcoat, CAMPBELL'S SOUP a whip.
CAMPBELL'S:
(off). On! (Crack of whip. CAMPBELL'S appears. They cross the stage. CAMDEN passes before Vladimir and Estragon and exit. CAMPBELL'S at the sight of Vladimir and Estragon stops short. The rope tautens. CAMPBELL'S jerks at it violently.) Back!
Noise of CAMDEN falling with all his baggage. Vladimir and Estragon turn towards him, half wishing half fearing to go to his assistance. Vlamdimir takes a step towards CAMDEN, Estragon holds him back by the sleeve.
VLADIMIR:
Let me go!
ESTRAGON:
Stay where you are!
CAMPBELL'S:
Be careful! Camden is wicked... (Vladimir and Estragon turn towards CAMPBELL'S.) With strangers.
ESTRAGON:
(undertone). Is that him?
VLADIMIR:
Who?
ESTRAGON:
(trying to remember the name). Er . . .
VLADIMIR:
Godot?
ESTRAGON:
Yes.
CAMPBELL'S:
I present myself: CAMPBELL'S SOUP.
VLADIMIR:
(to Estragon). Not at all!
ESTRAGON:
He said Godot.
VLADIMIR:
Not at all!
ESTRAGON:
(timidly, to CAMPBELL'S Soup). You're not Mr. Godot, Sir?
CAMPBELL'S:
(terrifying voice). I am CAMPBELL'S SOUP! (Silence.) CAMPBELL'S! (Silence.) Does that name mean nothing to you? (Silence.) I say does that name mean nothing to you?
Vladimir and Estragon look at each other questioningly.
ESTRAGON:
(pretending to search). Campy . . . Camba . . .
VLADIMIR:
(ditto). CAMPBELL'S . . . CAMPBELL'S . . .
CAMPBELL'S:
CAMPBELL'S SOUP!
ESTRAGON:
Ah! CAMPBELL'S . . . let me see . . . CAMPBELL'S . . .
VLADIMIR:
Is it CAMPBELL'S or..?
ESTRAGON:
CAMPBELL'S . . . no . . . I'm afraid I . . . no . . . I don't seem to . . .
CAMPBELL'S  SOUP advances threateningly.
VLADIMIR:
(conciliating). I once knew a family called CAMPELLOS. The mother had the clap.
ESTRAGON:
(hastily). We're not from these parts, Sir.
CAMPBELL'S:
(halting). You are human beings none the less. (He puts on his glasses.) As far as one can see. (He takes off his glasses.) Of the same species as myself. (He bursts into an enormous laugh.) Of the same species as CAMPBELL'S SOUP! Made in God's image!
VLADIMIR:
Well you see—
CAMPBELL'S:
(peremptory). Who is Godot?
ESTRAGON:
Godot?
CAMPBELL'S:
You took me for Godot.
VLADIMIR:
Oh no, Sir, not for an instant, Sir.
CAMPBELL'S:
Who is he?
VLADIMIR:
Oh he's a . . . he's a kind of acquaintance.
ESTRAGON:
Nothing of the kind, we hardly know him.
VLADIMIR:
True . . . we don't know him very well . . . but all the same . . .
ESTRAGON:
Personally, I wouldn't even know him if I saw him.
CAMPBELL'S:
You took me for him.
ESTRAGON:
(recoiling before CAMPBELL'S). That's to say . . . you understand . . . the dusk . . . the strain . . . waiting . . . I confess . . . I imagined . . . for a second . . .
CAMPBELL'S:
Waiting? So you were waiting for him?
VLADIMIR:
Well you see—
CAMPBELL'S:
Here? On my land?
VLADIMIR:
We didn't intend any harm.
ESTRAGON:
We meant well.
CAMPBELL'S:
The road is free to all.
VLADIMIR:
That's how we looked at it.
CAMPBELL'S:
It's a disgrace. But there you are.
ESTRAGON:
Nothing we can do about it.
CAMPBELL'S:
(with magnanimous gesture). Let's say no more about it. (He jerks the rope.) Up pig! (Pause.) Every time he drops he falls asleep. (Jerks the rope.) Up hog! (Noise of CAMDEN getting up and picking up his baggage. CAMPBELL'S jerks the rope.) Back! (Enter CAMDEN backwards.) Stop! (CAMDEN stops.) Turn! (CAMDEN turns. To Vladimir and Estragon, affably.) Gentlemen, I am happy to have met you. (Before their incredulous expression.) Yes yes, sincerely happy. (He jerks the rope.) Closer! (CAMDEN advances.) Stop! (CAMDEN stops.) Yes, the road seems long when one journeys all alone for . . . (he consults his watch) . . . yes . . . (he calculates) . . . yes, six hours, that's right, six hours on end, and never a soul in sight. (To CAMDEN.) Coat! (CAMDEN puts down the bag, advances, gives the coat, goes back to his place, takes up the bag.) Hold that! (CAMPBELL'S holds out the whip. CAMDEN advances and, both his hands being occupied, takes the whip in his mouth, then goes back to his place. CAMPBELL'S begins to put on his coat, stops.) Coat! (CAMDEN puts down the bag, basket and stool, helps CAMPBELL'S on with his coat, goes back to his place and takes up bag, basket and stool.) Touch of autumn in the air this evening. (CAMPBELL'S finishes buttoning up his coat, stoops, inspects himself, straightens up.) Whip! (CAMDEN advances, stoops, CAMPBELL'S snatches the whip from his mouth, CAMDEN goes back to his place.) Yes, gentlemen, I cannot go for long without the society of my likes (he puts on his glasses and looks at the two likes) even when the likeness is an imperfect one. (He takes off his glasses.) Stool! (CAMDEN puts down bag and basket, advances, opens stool, puts it down, goes back to his place, takes up bag and basket.) Closer! (CAMDEN puts down bag and basket, advances, moves stool, goes back to his place, takes up bag and basket. CAMPBELL'S sits down, places the butt of his whip against CAMDEN's chest and pushes.) Back! (CAMDEN takes a step back.) Further! (CAMDEN takes another step back.) Stop! (CAMDEN stops. To Vladimir and Estragon.) That is why, with your permission, I propose to dally with you a moment, before I venture any further. Basket! (CAMDEN advances, gives the basket, goes back to his place.) The fresh air stimulates the jaded appetite. (He opens the basket, takes out a piece of chicken and a bottle of wine.) Basket! (CAMDEN advances, picks up the basket and goes back to his place.) Further! (CAMDEN takes a step back.) He stinks. Happy days!
He drinks from the bottle, puts it down and begins to eat. Silence. #
 
Vladimir and Estragon, cautiously at first, then more boldly, begin to circle about CAMDEN, inspecting him up and down. CAMPBELL'S SOUP eats his chicken voraciously, throwing away the bones after having sucked them. CAMDEN sags slowly, until bag and basket touch the ground, then straightens up with a start and begins to sag again. Rhythm of one sleeping on his feet.
ESTRAGON:
What ails him?
VLADIMIR:
He looks tired.
ESTRAGON:
Why doesn't he put down his bags?
VLADIMIR:
How do I know? (They close in on him.) Careful!
ESTRAGON:
Say something to him.
VLADIMIR:
Look!
ESTRAGON:
What?
VLADIMIR:
(pointing). His neck!
ESTRAGON:
(looking at the neck). I see nothing.
VLADIMIR:
Here.
Estragon goes over beside Vladimir.
ESTRAGON:
Oh I say!
VLADIMIR:
A running sore!
ESTRAGON:
It's the rope.
VLADIMIR:
It's the rubbing.
ESTRAGON:
It's inevitable.
VLADIMIR:
It's the knot.
ESTRAGON:
It's the chafing.
They resume their inspection, dwell on the face.
VLADIMIR:
(grudgingly). He's not bad looking.
ESTRAGON:
(shrugging his shoulders, wry face.) Would you say so?
VLADIMIR:
A trifle effeminate.
ESTRAGON:
Look at the slobber.
VLADIMIR:
It's inevitable.
ESTRAGON:
Look at the slaver.
VLADIMIR:
Perhaps he's a halfwit.
ESTRAGON:
A cretin.
VLADIMIR:
(looking closer). Looks like a goiter.
ESTRAGON:
(ditto). It's not certain.
VLADIMIR:
He's panting.
ESTRAGON:
It's inevitable.
VLADIMIR:
And his eyes!
ESTRAGON:
What about them?
VLADIMIR:
Goggling out of his head.
ESTRAGON:
Looks like his last gasp to me.
VLADIMIR:
It's not certain. (Pause.) Ask him a question.
ESTRAGON:
Would that be a good thing?
VLADIMIR:
What do we risk?
ESTRAGON:
(timidly). Mister . . .
VLADIMIR:
Louder.
ESTRAGON:
(louder). Mister . . .
CAMPBELL'S:
Leave him in peace! (They turn toward CAMPBELL'S  SOUP who, having finished eating, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.) Can't you see he wants to rest? Basket! (He strikes a match and begins to light his pipe. Estragon sees the chicken bones on the ground and stares at them greedily. As CAMDEN does not move CAMPBELL'S  SOUP throws the match angrily away and jerks the rope.) Basket! (CAMDEN starts, almost falls, recovers his senses, advances, puts the bottle in the basket and goes back to his place. Estragon stares at the bones. CAMPBELL'S strikes another match and lights his pipe.) What can you expect, it's not his job. (He pulls at his pipe, stretches out his legs.) Ah! That's better.
ESTRAGON:
(timidly). Please Sir . . .
CAMPBELL'S:
What is it, my good man?
ESTRAGON:
Er . . . you've finished with the . . . er . . . you don't need the . . . er . . . bones, Sir?
VLADIMIR:
(scandalized). You couldn't have waited?
CAMPBELL'S:
No no, he does well to ask. Do I need the bones? (He turns them over with the end of his whip.) No, personally I do not need them any more. (Estragon takes a step towards the bones.) But . . . (Estragon stops short) . . . but in theory the bones go to the carrier. He is therefore the one to ask. (Estragon turns towards CAMDEN, hesitates.) Go on, go on, don't be afraid, ask him, he'll tell you.
Estragon goes towards CAMDEN, stops before him.
ESTRAGON:
Mister . . . excuse me, Mister Camden. . .
CAMPBELL'S:
You're being spoken to, pig! Reply! (To Estragon.) Try him again.
ESTRAGON:
Excuse me, Mister, the bones, you won't be wanting the bones?
CAMDEN looks long at Estragon.
CAMPBELL'S:
(in raptures). Mister! (CAMDEN bows his head.) Reply! Do you want them or don't you? (Silence of CAMDEN. To Estragon.) They're yours. (Estragon makes a dart at the bones, picks them up and begins to gnaw them.) I don't like it. I've never known him to refuse a bone before. (He looks anxiously at CAMDEN.) Nice business it'd be if he fell sick on me!
He puffs at his pipe.
VLADIMIR:
(exploding). It's a scandal!
Silence. Flabbergasted, Estragon stops gnawing, looks at CAMPBELL'S and Vladimir in turn. CAMPBELL'S outwardly calm. Vladimir embarrassed.
CAMPBELL'S:
(To Vladimir). Are you alluding to anything in particular?
VLADIMIR:
(stutteringly resolute). To treat a man . . . (gesture towards CAMDEN) . . . like that . . . I think that . . . no . . . a human being . . . no . . . it's a scandal!
ESTRAGON:
(not to be outdone). A disgrace!
He resumes his gnawing.
CAMPBELL'S:
You are severe. (To Vladimir.) What age are you, if it's not a rude question? (Silence.) Sixty? Seventy? (To Estragon.) What age would you say he was?
ESTRAGON:
Eleven.
CAMPBELL'S:
I am impertinent. (He knocks out his pipe against the whip, gets up.) I must be getting on. Thank you for your society. (He reflects.) Unless I smoke another pipe before I go. What do you say? (They say nothing.) Oh I'm only a small smoker, a very small smoker, I'm not in the habit of smoking two pipes one on top of the other, it makes (hand to heart, sighing) my heart go pit-a-pat. (Silence.) It's the nicotine, one absorbs it in spite of one's precautions. (Sighs.) You know how it is. (Silence.) But perhaps you don't smoke? Yes? No? It's of no importance. (Silence.) But how am I to sit down now, without affectation, now that I have risen? Without appearing to –how shall I say– without appearing to falter. (To Vladimir.) I beg your pardon? (Silence.) Perhaps you didn't speak? (Silence.) It's of no importance. Let me see . . .
He reflects.
ESTRAGON:
Ah! That's better.
He puts the bones in his pocket.
VLADIMIR:
Let's go.
ESTRAGON:
So soon?
CAMPBELL'S:
One moment! (He jerks the rope.) Stool! (He points with his whip. CAMDEN moves the stool.) More! There! (He sits down. CAMDEN goes back to his place.) Done it!
He fills his pipe.
VLADIMIR:
(vehemently). Let's go!
CAMPBELL'S:
I hope I'm not driving you away. Wait a little longer, you'll never regret it.
ESTRAGON:
(scenting charity). We're in no hurry.
CAMPBELL'S:
(having lit his pipe). The second is never so sweet . . . (he takes the pipe out of his mouth, contemplates it) . . . as the first I mean. (He puts the pipe back in his mouth.) But it's sweet just the same.
VLADIMIR:
I'm going.
CAMPBELL'S:
He can no longer endure my presence. I am perhaps not particularly human, but who cares? (To Vladimir.) Think twice before you do anything rash. Suppose you go now while it is still day, for there is no denying it is still day. (They all look up at the sky.) Good. (They stop looking at the sky.) What happens in that case– (he takes the pipe out of his mouth, examines it) –I'm out– (he relights his pipe) –in that case– (puff) –in that case– (puff) –what happens in that case to your appointment with this . . . Godet . . . Godot . . . Godin . . . anyhow you see who I mean, who has your future in his hands . . . (pause) . . . at least your immediate future?
VLADIMIR:
Who told you?
CAMPBELL'S:
He speaks to me again! If this goes on much longer we'll soon be old friends.
ESTRAGON:
Why doesn't he put down his bags?
CAMPBELL'S:
I too would be happy to meet him. The more people I meet the happier I become. From the meanest creature one departs wiser, richer, more conscious of one's blessings. Even you . . . (he looks at them ostentatiously in turn to make it clear they are both meant) . . . even you, who knows, will have added to my store.
ESTRAGON:
Why doesn't he put down his bags?
CAMPBELL'S:
But that would surprise me.
VLADIMIR:
You're being asked a question.
CAMPBELL'S:
(delighted). A question! Who? What? A moment ago you were calling me Sir, in fear and trembling. Now you're asking me questions. No good will come of this!
VLADIMIR:
(to Estragon). I think he's listening.
ESTRAGON:
(circling about CAMDEN). What?
VLADIMIR:
You can ask him now. He's on the alert.
ESTRAGON:
Ask him what?
VLADIMIR:
Why he doesn't put down his bags.
ESTRAGON:
I wonder.
VLADIMIR:
Ask him, can't you?
CAMPBELL'S:
(who has followed these exchanges with anxious attention, fearing lest the question get lost). You want to know why he doesn't put down his bags, as you call them.
VLADIMIR:
That's it.
CAMPBELL'S:
(to Estragon). You are sure you agree with that?
ESTRAGON:
He's puffing like a grampus.
CAMPBELL'S:
The answer is this. (To Estragon). But stay still, I beg of you, you're making me nervous!
VLADIMIR:
Here.
ESTRAGON:
What is it?
VLADIMIR:
He's about to speak.
Estragon goes over beside Vladimir. Motionless, side by side, they wait.
CAMPBELL'S:
Good. Is everybody ready? Is everybody looking at me? (He looks at CAMDEN, jerks the rope. CAMDEN raises his head.) Will you look at me, pig! (CAMDEN looks at him.) Good. (He puts the pipe in his pocket, takes out a little vaporizer and sprays his throat, puts back the vaporizer in his pocket, clears his throat, spits, takes out the vaporizer again, sprays his throat again, puts back the vaporizer in his pocket.) I am ready. Is everybody listening? Is everybody ready? (He looks at them all in turn, jerks the rope.) Hog! (CAMDEN raises his head.) I don't like talking in a vacuum. Good. Let me see.
He reflects.
ESTRAGON:
I'm going.
CAMPBELL'S:
What was it exactly you wanted to know?
VLADIMIR:
Why he—
CAMPBELL'S:
(angrily). Don't interrupt me! (Pause. Calmer.) If we all speak at once we'll never get anywhere. (Pause.) What was I saying? (Pause. Louder.) What was I saying?
Vladimir mimics one carrying a heavy burden. CAMPBELL'S looks at him, puzzled.
ESTRAGON:
(forcibly). Bags. (He points at CAMDEN.) Why? Always hold. (He sags, panting.) Never put down. (He opens his hands, straightens up with relief.) Why?
CAMPBELL'S:
Ah! Why couldn't you say so before? Why he doesn't make himself comfortable? Let's try and get this clear. Has he not the right to? Certainly he has. It follows that he doesn't want to. There's reasoning for you. And why doesn't he want to? (Pause.) Gentlemen, the reason is this.
VLADIMIR:
(to Estragon). Make a note of this.
CAMPBELL'S:
He wants to impress me, so that I'll keep him.
ESTRAGON:
What?
CAMPBELL'S:
Perhaps I haven't got it quite right. He wants to mollify me, so that I'll give up the idea of parting with him. No, that's not exactly it either.
VLADIMIR:
You want to get rid of him?
CAMPBELL'S:
He wants to con me, but he won't.
VLADIMIR:
You want to get rid of him?
CAMPBELL'S:
He imagines that when I see how well he carries I'll be tempted to keep him on in that capacity.
ESTRAGON:
You've had enough of him?
CAMPBELL'S:
In reality he carries like a pig. It's not his job.
VLADIMIR:
You want to get rid of him?
CAMPBELL'S:
He imagines that when I see him indefatigable I'll regret my decision. Such is his miserable scheme. As though I were short of slaves! (All three look at CAMDEN.) Atlas, son of Jupiter! (Silence.) Well, that's that, I think. Anything else?
Vaporizer.
VLADIMIR:
You want to get rid of him?
CAMPBELL'S:
Remark that I might just as well have been in his shoes and he in mine. If chance had not willed otherwise. To each one his due.
VLADIMIR:
You waagerrim?
CAMPBELL'S:
I beg your pardon?
VLADIMIR:
You want to get rid of him?
CAMPBELL'S:
I do. But instead of driving him away as I might have done, I mean instead of simply kicking him out on his arse, in the goodness of my heart I am bringing him to the fair, where I hope to get a good price for him. The truth is you can't drive such creatures away. The best thing would be to kill them.
CAMDEN weeps.
ESTRAGON:
He's crying!
CAMPBELL'S:
Old dogs have more dignity. (He proffers his handkerchief to Estragon.) Comfort him, since you pity him. (Estragon hesitates.) Come on. (Estragon takes the handkerchief.) Wipe away his tears, he'll feel less forsaken.
Estragon hesitates.
VLADIMIR:
Here, give it to me, I'll do it.
Estragon refuses to give the handkerchief.
Childish gestures.
CAMPBELL'S:
Make haste, before he stops. (Estragon approaches CAMDEN and makes to wipe his eyes. CAMDEN kicks him violently in the shins. Estragon drops the handkerchief, recoils, staggers about the stage howling with pain.) Hanky!
CAMDEN puts down bag and basket, picks up handkerchief and gives it to CAMPBELL'S SOUP, goes back to his place, picks up bag and basket.
ESTRAGON:
Oh the swine! (He pulls up the leg of his trousers.) He's crippled me!
CAMPBELL'S:
I told you he didn't like strangers.
VLADIMIR:
(to Estragon). Show me. (Estragon shows his leg. To CAMPBELL'S, angrily.) He's bleeding!
CAMPBELL'S:
It's a good sign.
 

(To be continued….)